we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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