I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
