I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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