I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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