i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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