so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize