waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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