I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
