there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
