You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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