So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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