At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
