I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
