I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize