Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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