That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
