So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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