We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
