The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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