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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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