I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
