Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
