I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
