dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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