sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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