the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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