i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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