I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
