well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
