I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
