I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
