It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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