Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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