how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i out mim tonsoeep
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
