Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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