We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
