i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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