It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize