Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
