Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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