I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my sisters under your porch take her home
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
