i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
