Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
NoShamevember. You game?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
