hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Sober January is a disaster.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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