So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
