I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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