My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
