I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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