apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
