Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
