Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
