When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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