Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
