i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize