I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
