i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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