I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
