what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
