I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
