At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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