Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
