my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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